ABANDONED?

Really?

Were you? Did I?

Who said!

From the moment the sperm crept

towards its destination

was it thwarted, rejected, obstructed;

before that - or long after,

was it left, bereft?

not knowing where it came from

 or was going

and at whose behest.

A bit of random flotsam, got lost

gone awry or stuck in some cosmic backwater, drain or dump.

So who abandoned whom

 - felt or fancied so?

Thrust into the non-locational Enormity, alone,

without a reference point or lodestone, guarding angel,

hand to hold or voice to accompany.

Methinks the culprit was my Self!

Panicked and seeking to back off - too late,

 in last minute runaway flight;

stuck, jammed wrong way round

 in the birthing trap.

Everything jettisoned;

forgetting the protocols, precedents

the dangers and consequences 

of freaking out, losing it, letting go

at such crucial pivot points.

Moments of truth

when even that is abandoned.

So, for the next 78 years

without realizing, on zombie auto,

repeating umpteen variations of

abandonment at every chance:

Without any specific context or suspicion of when, what or whom.

Nope!  I never was!

No-one did anything to me!

Despite landing in the lap of sheer survival,

of bottom line basics

I was a zany child of privilege and luck…

…abandoned by my only self.

Mar